I let myself feel disappointed when I expect certain actions from people.
I strive for positiveness but also try to be realistic.
Being realistic keeps me in check with the “unspoken truth” about things. Sometimes I worry too much about disappointments but they are part of who we are. There are no right or wrongs when dealing with them.
“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.”
I drafted this blog post back in September when the first disappointment happened. I wanted to share a disappointment that occurred. Now, a recent situation made me finish this blog post.
I helped someone go on a business trip. I helped her with all the planning, the logistics, technical issues, and even assisted during the trip because she has never had a trip like this. The trip went well. A few months after the trip we were talking about upcoming opportunities and she mentioned that she bought a souvenir for a friend. This was a huge slap in the face to me.
I never got a thank you but the excitement and sense of accomplishment in her face meant a lot to me. I never expected anything from her. This was really hard to process. I wanted to address the issue but I just let it go. She has bought things for me on other occasions but this felt different. Maybe I went too dramatic but it felt like a betrayal.
Is not that I expected something but I got really emotional when hearing this. I know that you help people without waiting for anything in return but to me, this was just unfair. It was hard because when I help people I throw all of myself to help them.
Then, the story repeats again. I helped another close friend on getting an opportunity that she wanted for a long time. When the opportunity materialized, there were no thank yous for me. She went on celebrating with others and very few people knew how she got the opportunity. This was harder than the first one. I felt the pressure in my chest. I remembered the feeling from the previous disappointment and just let myself cry to try to feel better.
I asked myself, “is it so hard to say thank you? I really don’t expect anything besides a thank you but I feel that you want to be grateful for the people that support you. I am writing this and I feel sad again.
Things happen and I am very aware of that. Probably it has happened more than I can remember but these two instances hit me pretty hard.
I am sharing this with hopes that you can deal realistically with situations like this. We help people for different reasons and that is ok. Are we giving ourselves hopes for expecting something in return? Probably.
Would you help these people after what happened? I probably will. But probably not with the same intensity as before. Even though this happened I felt good in a way because my anxiety was not anywhere to be seen. I try to follow my own advice to not let anxiety run my life.
I wish there was a better way to deal with this but at least I am not aware of any. Is all about forgiving, forgetting and moving forward.
How will you handle something like this?
With great hope;